Eggnog
by iflip4dolphins
Summary: She had slept with her worst enemy, and now she was trying to remember what had happened. Right. Eggnog. AU NejiTen


_Disclaimer:_ _I owneth not Naruto._

_A/N: Firstlies, this is a Christmas oneshot gift for Signel-chan. Secondlies, this is the longest oneshot I have ever written. I'm not kidding. It's nine pages on Word. This oneshot was supposed to have a lot of other character appearances, but I got lazy. Nevertheless, I hope it's good and I hope you guys enjoy it, even if it doesn't make much sense. Enjoy and, if you have the time, review!_

* * *

The first thought that entered Tenten's mind when she woke up was, _Fuck._

The second and third thoughts ran along those tracks for a while.

Her fourth thought consisted mainly of: _Damn it._

Her fifth and sixth included things such as: _I'm screwed. I got drunk, I'm in someone else's bed right now, I don't know what I did, and I'm probably going to die of either embarrassment or murder soon. Fuck._

Her seventh thought informed her tartly that she should probably find out who exactly she slept with that night. Finding this a good idea, Tenten shifted slightly in the warm muscular arms that held her, and peered sleepily into the face of the man sleeping next to her.

This led rise to her eighth thought, which told her that it would be an excellent idea to extract herself from the bed right now. Tenten told it to shut up because, damn it, she was comfortable, and tried to remember the events of the previous night.

She didn't succeed. Instead, she got hit over the head with a mallet (metaphorically, of course), and a small headache barged in and made itself at home inside her head. Surprising, that. She didn't hold liquor well at all; she should have had a massive hangover after all the eggnog she'd had to drink at Hinata's annual Christmas party.

The eggnog.

_Damn it! _

That was it, Tenten decided. When she got up, she was going to murder Hinata. Slowly. Preferably under torturous methods. She didn't even care if she inflicted the wrath of the Hyuuga's boyfriend (otherwise known as the devil in disguise) for doing so. This was all Hinata's fault.

She tactfully and purposefully ignored the little voice in the back of her mind that said that she was the one who had drank the eggnog and ended up sleeping with the coldest jerkface around, so, technically, it was her fault.

Tenten groaned and contemplated choking herself to death with her pillow. Of all the people that she'd had to sleep with, of all the people that had arrived at this crazy party, she'd had to jump into bed with Neji Hyuuga. The Neji Hyuuga. The one with the oh-so-beautiful long brown hair and the icy eyes that looked to be blind but most definitely weren't. The same Neji who was Hinata's older cousin, and, unfortunately, also invited to the stupid party with stupid eggnog that got people drunk when they drank it.

She considered the possibility that maybe Neji had also been drunk and thus wouldn't murder her with sharp pointy objects (Oooh, knives… Wait, that was what she was going to do to Hinata.) and then tossed the idea aside. She'd seen Neji before, though, admittedly, never quite this much of him. She'd never felt quite this much of him either. Her back was pressed up against his chest and his arms were draped around her and it felt so good – but anyway. The point was that the man didn't get drunk. Ever. It was one of the many things that was perfect and gorgeous and sexy and annoying about him all at the same time.

What exactly had happened last night? As the memories began to leak back into her brain, Tenten closed her eyes and tried to pretend that none of it had ever happened.

__

Tenten arrived at the mansion her friend called a house and rang the doorbell. The yearly Christmas party that Hinata hosted was the only time all of Tenten's friends met under one roof. They simply couldn't stand being in such close proximity to everyone for more than one night. Considering how many people Tenten knew, some of which she really only met at this party and never saw them otherwise, it wasn't really much of a surprise.

She wondered idly if Hinata had invited The Creature in Green as she brushed snow off her coat. Her wonder was halted as Hinata arrived at the door, smiled, and ushered her friend in. "Don't worry, you're not the last," Hinata reassured her as Tenten hung up her coat. The faint sound of 'Christmas in Killarney' wafted through the hall as Hinata continued, "Ino and Sakura still haven't shown up yet."

Tenten shook the snow out of her brown hair, for once not pulled back into a stiff bun, and grinned wryly. "They're probably going with being fashionably late again," she replied as she stepped out of her boots.

"Likely," Hinata agreed. "Naruto's currently having a competition with Lee," she added as 'Christmas in Killarney' was drowned out by a declaration of love for Sakura.

"So you did invite The Creature in Green," Tenten mused. "I didn't think you would after he trashed your kitchen last year." There as another yell, this one from Naruto, and she winced at the volume. "Do I want to know what they're competing over?"

"Sakura."

"Ah."

Tenten followed Hinata through the house into the living room, where everyone had congregated. Whether it was to snack on the food that was set out or to observe the shouting match between Naruto and Lee, Tenten couldn't be certain. One thing was certain, however: bright orange and bright green were not Christmas colors. Maybe Naruto and Lee were colorblind, Tenten mused. It would certainly account for their appalling dress sense.

"I shall give my present to the lovely Sakura-chan first!" Lee declared at the top of his lungs. Someone sniggered.

"No way, bushy brows!" Naruto glared at his rival perpetually dressed in green spandex. "I'll give mine to her first and you'll cry in a corner while –"

"Okay, guys," Tenten interrupted, having no desire to hear Naruto finish that sentence. "The yearly bicker is over. Go eat something and stop screaming so that the rest of us can salvage our eardrums."

"Tenten-chan!" Lee threw himself at her. Tenten, unable to escape, was enclosed in a suffocating hug from her hyperactive friend. Naruto grinned at her from over Lee's shoulder, argument forgotten. "Hey, Tenten. How's it goin'?"

"I can't breathe," she wheezed in reply. Lee's response was to give her a bone crushing final squeeze and then let go. Tenten promptly collapsed into one of the plush armchairs and tried to remember how to breathe. There was clapping from the other occupants of the room and a "Wonderful! Encore!" from Kiba with an accompanying "Woof!" from Akamaru.

"Do you bring that dog with you everywhere, Kiba?" she heard Temari ask.

"Of course. Is your brother showing up today?"

"He's already here."

"Really?"

"Yup. He's making out with Hinata in the kitchen right now though, so you might not want to disturb him."

"I meant Kankuro, not Gaara!"

Temari laughed. "I know. Don't worry, he'll be here soon."

After that, Tenten lost track of the conversation, mostly because her nose had caught the delicious scent of eggnog. Tenten had long ago decided that eggnog was a collaboration gift from satan and god to mankind due to an unfortunate incident a few years back where she'd gotten drunk off of it, made an utter fool of herself, and had slept it off in Hinata's vacated bed the next morning. To this day nobody would tell her what she'd done, but she'd gleaned from conversations that it had included Christmas music and stripping. She really didn't want to know what had happened, but everyone assured her that she hadn't made out or had sex with anyone, so her mortification was slightly less than it would have been. After that year, Hinata had banned her from drinking eggnog at her house.

Tenten, of course, didn't pay any attention.

The radio switched from 'White Christmas' to 'You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch' as Tenten got up out of the armchair and wandered over to the both blessed and cursed eggnog. With a suspicious, yet longing look, she hesitantly picked up a cup and sipped at it. The drink flowed down her throat and she sighed in satisfaction. Delicious.

__

Of course, it was the fault of the eggnog. In her defense, the drink was possibly the most delicious type of drink to ever be invented. Other alcoholic drinks didn't tempt Tenten nearly as much as a nice cold cup of eggnog did. In fact, since the eggnog itself tasted so good, Tenten almost didn't mind the hangover she was certain to have in the morning.

Of course, she'd never slept with her worst enemy as a result of being drunk before.

Tenten covered her face with her hands, remembering the moment he'd approached her.

__

Three cups of eggnog later, and Tenten was in heaven. Figuratively, of course. An eggnog-y heaven that she'd horribly regret in the morning, but for now her balance was only slightly off and her mind was acquiring a delightful feeling of not being quite there. Lovely, eggnog was. She glanced at her half-empty cup, considered it, then shrugged and sipped at it again. Chugging eggnog would be a crime. The taste would be completely lost.

"Are you drunk?"

Tenten turned towards the deep voice whose owner she'd never had the courage to tell was very sexy. She looked down at the cup of eggnog in her hands again. The liquid was perfectly still. Looking back up at Neji, she shook her head, accidentally triggering some sort of switch that made the room start to spin. "'Course not," she answered breezily.

Neji raised an eyebrow at her and she bit back the insane urge to giggle. "You look drunk."

Tenten lifted one hand from the precious eggnog and waved it carelessly. "Nonsense," she informed him. "I'm merely mildly tipsy."

"Have you had anything to eat today?"

"Of course I have," Tenten said, attempting to put on a mildly offended tone of voice.

"Really? What?" he challenged her.

Tenten had to think about that for a second. "Tacos," she remembered.

"Tacos."

"Yep."

"When, may I ask, did you have tacos?"

Tenten shrugged and very nearly dropped her eggnog. Wrapping her hands still tighter around the cup, she replied, "I think about five hours ago."

"At lunch."

"Yep."

The conversation hit a roadblock as Tenten inspected the heavily decorated ceiling with vague interest. Holly and ribbon, tinsel and mistletoe, all of it woven together to make Hinata's ceiling look like a forest sparkling with tin foil. Pleased with her analogy, Tenten decided that it was Christmas Eve and that she was drunk enough to look her worst enemy straight in the eye and tell him that his voice was sexy.

She tried it, decided that she wasn't quite drunk enough yet, and refilled her eggnog.

A cup of eggnog later, and Tenten looked right at Neji. "Your voice is sexy," she informed him.

He seemed startled, much to Tenten's amusement. How much of that was her and how much came from the eggnog, she wasn't entirely sure, but it was still funny. "You're drunk," Neji settled on saying.

"Of course I am," Tenten replied flippantly. She placed her cup of eggnog down on the table and crossed over to Neji. "I'm drunk enough to inform you, my worst enemy, that there is mistletoe above us at this very moment."

"And what do you expect me to do about it?"

"I expect you to make out with me shamelessly and enjoy it," Tenten informed him.

To her utmost surprise, he did just that.

__

She had been flirting with her worst enemy. Admittedly, she was under the influence of eggnog at the time, but the fact remained that she had flirted with Neji Hyuuga and had enjoyed it.

The worst part was that he had flirted back.

The thing that would be her death was the fact that the flirting hadn't lasted long at all.

Tenten was ready to die. The manner of death didn't matter to her, hell, she was likely going to die of embarrassment any minute now. Her only preference was that it be quick. Maybe she could get herself shot in the head. That sounded like a good idea. Anything was better than waiting here for Neji to wake up and find out exactly what he'd been doing last night.

Suicide or murder, those were her only two options now. If Neji didn't kill her, she'd do it herself.

How exactly had they gone from the kitchen with the lovely eggnog to the bed, anyway? Tenten groaned as she remembered. That's right, it had started with a comment about her clothes.

__

"You clean up nicely," Neji told her as he brushed her cheek and neck with kisses.

"Huh?" was Tenten's intelligent reply.

"Your clothes."

"Oh." Tenten spared her clothes a glance and shrugged. She hadn't worn anything special, just her white turtleneck and a pair of fitted jeans. Screw slacks, she _liked_ her jeans. This, of course, led to a glance at Neji's apparel, which consisted of dress slacks, black, and a green dress shirt. And a second glance, and a third glance… "You too," she murmured in his ear. "I guess."

Neji drew away from her and inspected her, obviously considering something.

"What?" Tenten wanted to know.

"You know what would make these clothes look even better?" he finally said.

"What?"

"If they were on the floor."

__

If it weren't for the fact that eggnog was the most delicious drink on the entire plane, Tenten would have burned it all after the incident of three years ago. If she had, maybe this incident wouldn't have occurred. Maybe she'd still be in full possession of her mind and not be going into a mental breakdown because she had had sex with her worst enemy.

The worst part was that she couldn't even hate him for it because it had felt so damn good.

Tenten turned her head so that she was facedown in a pillow. At this moment she didn't care whose pillow it was and she didn't care that it smelled almost like eggnog. It was a pillow, and it was going to suffocate her. This was her punishment and her salvation. She would not have to face Neji, she would not have to deal with all the irritating feelings and thoughts her mind was thrusting at her insistently and demanding that she acknowledge, and she would save other people the time of killing her with their bare hands.

"Merry Christmas, Tenten."

"Merry Christmas, Neji."

"…Are you attempting to suffocate yourself with a pillow?"

_Damn it._

"I'm admiring the weave of the pillowcase," Tenten muttered into the pillow. She mentally ran through every curse she knew, and she knew quite a few.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't die on me," Neji told her quietly.

"I'm not going to die. I'm just going to leave this world forever and drink as much eggnog as I want without getting drunk and totally humiliating myself," Tenten argued, face still in the pillow. To her intense irritation, the pillow was not doing its job. She could still breathe. Cursing it, she dug her face deeper in the cotton pillow.

She felt, rather than heard, Neji sigh. He moved, withdrawing him arms from her body, something that made Tenten feel disappointed, though she couldn't have said why. A moment later she squeaked in surprise as he took her shoulders, turned her body so that she face him, and drew her into a tight hold that she really, really wanted to call a hug.

"Tenten," he said in her ear, "Why do you think this happened tonight?"

"I got drunk," Tenten replied flatly, refusing to let her voice quiver. "That's it."

"Not as drunk as you think," Neji said. "This wasn't alcohol speaking."

Tenten shook her head. "Of course it was. You can let go of me now."

"No."

Tenten gasped as Neji continued. "You were the one who decided we were worst enemies, Tenten. I never wanted that."

_No, stop talking. I can't admit that I love you because then I'll be weak and enslaved by a stupid emotion that serves no damn purpose._

"Stop it," Tenten whispered, her voice choked. "Please."

It was Neji's turn to shake his head. "I still love you, Tenten," he told her, so quietly Tenten had to strain to hear the words. "You know that. Please, stop running from me. I won't hurt you." She heard the sad smile in his next words. "I don't think I could even if I tried."

Tenten blinked back tears and gave a very unladylike snort. "Yeah, right."

"Tenten, stop being silly. You're the one who left before we slept together last time, and you're the one who agreed to it this time, with a much clearer head than you think you had." He hesitated. "Tenten… the eggnog didn't have any alcohol in it this year."

"What?!" Tenten jerked back and stared at him in shock. No alcohol? But she had been drunk, she knew she had been drunk…

Neji nodded. "Absolutely none."

"But…but…" Tenten was, for once in her life, speechless. Finally she said in an almost accusatory tone, "But I _felt_ drunk!"

It was Neji's turn to snort. "Tacos for lunch and then three cups of eggnog? Considering that you probably walked all ten miles to Hinata's house for the party, I'm not surprised you felt drunk. You didn't have anywhere near enough to eat."

Fuck.

She was dead. She was very, very dead. "Are you sure?" she half asked, half pleaded.

"Yes."

"But you said I was drunk!"

Neji sighed. "I said that because you were drunk, just not off of alcohol. You were drunk off of the general atmosphere of the party and the very little food you'd eaten."

Tenten considered this for a moment. "This would explain why my hangover doesn't suck as much as it normally does…" she agreed cautiously.

"That would be a food deprivation headache, not a hangover. You'll feel fine once you eat something."

"But sore," Tenten muttered. She ran over the events, decided that Neji was probably right, damn him, and glared at the sheets. "It would have been _so_ much easier if I had been drunk," she complained.

"Hn." Neji sounded almost as though he were holding back laughter.

Tenten blinked and felt very foolish. "So," she started awkwardly, "I wasn't actually drunk?"

Neji nodded.

"And this isn't some sort of really strange dream?"

Again, Neji nodded.

Silence.

"…I'm still going to kill Hinata."

Neji actually laughed, which, of course, sent Tenten into a fit of giggles. Eggnog, she decided as she and Neji kissed, was the best drink in the universe.


End file.
